I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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