but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
