i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
