Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
