I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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