dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
