There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
