By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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