so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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