Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
