just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
