is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
