Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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