She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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