LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
