Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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