So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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