im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
