Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
