i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
