what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
