My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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