Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
