she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
