So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
