i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
