now i know why i became what i already was.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
