Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
