I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
