im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
