There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
