After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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