That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
