Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
