ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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