$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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