I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
