she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
