I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
