hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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