Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
