he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
