8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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