so explain again why im purple
no
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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