Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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