Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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