I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
