let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize