somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
