I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
