I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
