We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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