Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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