Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize