She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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