I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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