Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
