She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
