i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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