I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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