That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
