why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
