Are we in a gay sports bar?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
