No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
