tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
