i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
