bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
