She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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