I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
