u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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