Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
