Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
