i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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