Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
