I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
