i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
