how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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