I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
