why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
