I think i peed on brittanys purse
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We left the knife in your bed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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