Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize