I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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